One thing we can count on from any Shondaland drama is that they always put everything on the line in their finales. The most recent episode of Station 19, the first part of a two-part series finale, poses a question that resonates with many: How are we saying goodbye to such an incredible show at the height of its drama?
In "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You," directed by Tessa Blake and written by Zaiver Sinnett, we're taken on a 42-minute rollercoaster of emotions. We laugh. We cry. We cheer. And we scream. Every moment serves as a reminder of why we love these characters so much and how we’ve witnessed their growth over the past seven seasons. The episode pays tribute to those who’ve stuck with the series since the beginning by including some fun Easter eggs from previous seasons. Pandering to fans doesn’t always turn out well, but in this case, it’s a welcome show of gratitude from the show to its audience. The moments never feel forced. Instead, they showcase how some storylines have come full circle for our characters. It’s the ultimate love letter to a series that has given so much.
Celebrating the series and bringing us along for the dangers of wildfires, the thrill of action, and the depth of emotions from start to finish, this first part of the finale leaves us wanting to shake sense into any studio or streamer and yell, “#SaveStation19!” Station 19 - the show and the fire crew - is nowhere near ready to fight its last fire. They’ve proved this episode and this season that there is still plenty left in the tank.
We’re 19. Family forever…
"How Am I Supposed to Live Without You" starts off HOT, and this time, it has nothing to do with flames. Instead, it focuses on some of the mainstay couples: Ross and Sullivan,Maya and Carina, and according to Travis’ sex dream, Travis and Dominic. This opening is a proper way to utilize a sexy montage, giving each couple a moment of fun intimacy ahead of a day full of fighting fires and risking it all. But just as fire waits for no one, neither does Vic, as she wakes Travis from his fantasy and reminds him that they have to go.
Before we go to the station, though, we’re with Maya and Carina at home as Maya voices her concern about Carina, her potentially pregnant wife, volunteering at the first responder medical tents close to the wildfires. The smoke is certainly no good for the possible fetus. But, as Carina reminds Maya, just because she has the potential to be pregnant doesn't mean she can stop living her life. So they send each other off with a kiss and an "I love you.”But we can feel the concern rolling off Maya as she checks the status of the fires advancing closer in.
Maya isn’t the only one tracking the wildfires. At the station, Andy is overheard saying, “You can take the boy out of the firehouse,” while discussing the wind shift patterns with a concerned Jack over the phone. But before she can continue, Vic interrupts her with bittersweet news. Crisis One funding came through, and she’s taking it national! But the catch is that she’ll be doing that from D.C. Vic is leaving. To Andy’s credit, she’s happy for her friend, but the loss of yet another friend and fellow firefighter closing their chapter at 19 clearly weighs on her.Before they can tell the team, though, Vic has to tell Travis. As expected, he’s devastated and can’t find the words just yet to say how he feels about the reality of the situation. Sitting on the roof of the station, Vic reminds him this is a good thing—she’ll be able to help so many, and this was the initial vision that even Dean saw for Crisis One. But it may take more than just a few minutes to understand that. They don’t have much time to dwell on it, though, because Travis and Vic notice the wildfires looming closer to Seattle. 19 is sure to be called in any time now. Fire waits for no one.
Speaking of fires, Chief Ross is in the midst of the action as she visits the base camp set up by Chief Gonzalez. He briefs her on his plan to tackle the fires that threaten the area. It's clear that she's not on board with his decision not to classify the fire as a five-alarm, an indicator of the severity and the need for additional coverage and equipment. She believes that he's looking at the smaller picture rather than considering the potential chaos these fires could cause for the city of Seattle, and urges him to reconsider. Chief Gonzalez clearly does, as a few scenes later, he’s seen thanking Chief Ross for not backing down–she made a good call. But there’s more fire than they have resources, so when he asks for any ideas, Ross says she has one–it’s a hail mary, but it’s worth trying.
Meanwhile, Carina, who has been on site for the day, attends to patients in the medical tent, treating them for smoke inhalation, burns, and whatever other injuries might come their way. One patient she meets is a woman who got separated from her husband while camping. While Carina comforts her, the woman echoes a similar fear that Carina faces daily: “I can’t believe he’s still out there. What if this is it? What if I never see him again?” The camera transitions and spins to Carina's face, capturing her taking a shaky breath. Carina has lost almost everyone she's ever loved, and the family she and Maya are building is her greatest love. As the wife of a firefighter, it’s a fear that she’s had to deal with for years, but now, as she knows 19 has been called onto the scene, she has to face it for yet another day.
As the team prepares the trucks with their supplies back at the station, some great moments play out—Beckett and Ben banter with Sullivan about his upcoming wedding; Maya and Beckett connect over her concerns about Carina and IVF; Andy confides in Maya about her struggle with seeing so many friends leaving 19 and how this isn't exactly how she pictured it. But before they can delve further into it all, the belly of the beast calls. As they reach base camp, Ross briefs Maya and Andy on the scope of the fire. 19 is the last line of defense to prevent the fire from advancing closer to Seattle. No pressure.
Ross also informs Maya that Carina’s in the med tent next door. Maya wastes no time and seeks out Carina just for a moment to check in and see how things are going before she heads off to her fire zone. As she leaves, they reaffirm to each other, “See you at home.” It’s simple, but it feels like it holds more weight. I love you. Stay safe. Come back to me.
The team arrives on the scene, and Andy begins assigning everyone's tasks, including the freshly selected Probies. It's always great to see Andy take command in her scenes, but in this instance, it feels particularly special—this is likely the last call with this version of 19 together. This iteration of the team represents who they’ve gained and lost over the years, and though they may be missing members such as Theo, Jack, and Dean, it remains a family. It's still 19.
And Theo isn’t too far away. As Andy and Maya assess their section of the Ranch area, they run into Theo and the private fire company he's with, including Kate and Dominic. Andy questions Theo's commitment and responsibilities to the overall fire, but he reminds her that he's just doing his job—one that he took to help with 19's budget issues. It’s only when Maya and Andy reach higher ground that they realize the enormity of this fire. Still, before they can get into it, they discover a woman, Eliza, looking for help for a new friend, Cameron, who has suffered burns and injuries while searching for his wife. As they race to get the burned man to Ben so he can start treating him in the field before stabilizing him enough to make the trek the med tent, Eliza, a trained Marine who is also searching for her fiance, continues to search for him through their way of communicating in case they ever get separated or lost—a blow of a whistle.
Meanwhile, Vic and Travis are still discussing her decision to leave and take Crisis One national. He doesn't want her to go and points out that her entire life is here—her family, 19's Crisis One program, their plants, and him. He's desperate to keep her close, even if he's selfishly making it about himself. Vic understands his feelings, but she counters that unlike him, she's not afraid of change— it’s exciting to her. And she's good at Crisis One and enjoys it. Vic just needs Travis to support her.
Their discussion comes to a close for the moment as they focus on continuing to evacuate civilians nearby. Spot fires flare up around them, preventing them from moving forward, and they radio Andy for extra hands. Theo hears this, and he and Dominic choose life over property as they abandon the single building they were hired to protect and move in to help Vic and Travis. Theo never could just sit and wait.
Nor can Ben. As they bring Cameron, the burn patient, to the med tent, Ben realizes there are no doctors available at the moment. His patient is in desperate need of relief, so he performs an unassisted escharotomy to help his patient breathe. It's a move that works, even if a bit impulsive. But once a surgeon, always a surgeon, right? It's a not-so-subtle hint - along with the pang of pain he experienced in the field moments ago - that Ben may be having thoughts about returning to his work in medicine. Is a career change in the air yet again? We can feel his desire to stay and continue to help, perhaps out of a reluctance to put himself back in the fires, but once Carina is free to treat the patient, she acknowledges his work and reminds him that she needs him to be present for the job he is there to do—to be with 19 and Maya, fighting fires and having each other's backs.
As the day winds down, all of 19 gathers as Andy splits the team into shifts—the first watch to monitor any changes in the fire overnight and the second half to try to get some rest. They're in this for the long haul and need to take advantage of any time they can to rest, so they'll rotate throughout the night. The good news is that thanks to Chief Ross' hail-mary call, she's secured some reinforcements to help fight the fires—retired firefighters and a few laid off due to budget cuts. It's a nod to the spirit of fellowship that whether they've answered their final call or not, firefighters still help their own when the call comes.
Other moments back at the base include Travis seeking comfort and guidance from Dominic as he works out his feelings about Vic leaving Seattle. He acknowledges that Vic is heaven-sent to him after his husband died, and oh, goodness, we cried. And Maya and Andy share a moment that gave major season one vibes; they're so proud of each other and how far they've come. We cried some more.
Back home, Carina continues to monitor the wildfire that 19 and Maya are facing. She also gets a moment to check in with her wife—they're both okay. They can't wait to see each other when they're safe and home together. Before Carina can continue to message back, little Liam reminds her that he's still there and awake. As she speaks to him exclusively in Italian, "La mamma torna..." (Mom's coming back), it's a gentle reminder that Carina's not alone in waiting for Maya to come home. And she’s not the only one who Maya might not come home to.
As emotional as that scene was, one of the most moving moments of the episode starts when Vic and Ben remind each other that 19 isn't going anywhere. Whether people leave for new jobs, opportunities, or a new lease on life, they'll forever be a part of each other's lives: "We're 19. Family forever." This feels like a nod to the characters at this moment as well as to the fans—the dedicated viewers and fandom that have been with them on this ride for seven years and seven seasons. The callbacks to the previous quintessential 19 moments continue as we see all of them lie next to each other, one by one, for one last firehose bed scene. They're in the same places as they were in season two when they all comforted Vic after the loss of Ripley. But this time, it feels hopeful. They're 19. They show up for each other in good times and bad times. And this last scene of the night reminds us that they're just as much of a family now as they ever were.
You Have So Much More to Do…
Night turns into day, and the team is woken up with the news that the fire has reached the ridge. It's time to move. "Wet stuff on the red stuff," yells Andy. She gives orders to her team, and they rush to push the fire back—they're the last line of defense, after all. What comes as a welcomed surprise is that Chief Ross runs into the team as she makes her rounds, and she's ready to be put to work. Andy calls for more tanks, but resources are still limited. However, after her work with the Tulalip tribe's fire chief in "Give It All," Andy knows she can count on her expanded community, so she asks Chief Ross to call them in for backup—they have more experience with these types of fires and bigger water tanks.
As the team - including Theo, Dominic, and Kate - works to put out spot fires around the ranch area, Theo hears the unmistakable noise of a tree starting to crack. Turning around to find the sound, he sees that it’s above Travis' head. In a race to reach his best friend, Theo pushes Travis out of the way just as the tree falls, pinning him underneath and leaving him seriously injured. Say what you will about Theo - he's always been a good friend and spotter in tricky situations. So, as he sacrifices his own well-being to ensure Travis', it feels like a continued thread of his greatest strength.
As the team rushes to Theo's aid, we witness moments between him, Vic, and Travis as they try to reassure each other that they've got him and that he’ll be okay. However, Vic and Travis share a knowing glance, acknowledging that Theo is in a precarious situation and they genuinely don't know what will happen. As Andy calls for help, we learn that Theo's injuries include an open femur fracture, lots of internal injuries, and a loss of blood. Ben is on the scene and tries to help stabilize him until the medevac can arrive.
Before they load him onto the helicopter, Theo begins to apologize to Vic, but she stops him, saying, "We're not doing amends or apologies or any of that crap that people do when they think they're dying because you're not dying. You have so much more to do." The scene doesn't focus on overt displays of affection, but rather on a reassurance that they both have much more to accomplish. Even if they're not together, she still cares for him and wants to see him thrive and achieve more than he could imagine. She doesn't want to lose him, even if he's not hers to lose anymore.
I’m Proud of You…
"Bishop, you're with me." One of the best things about this episode is the focus on Maya and Andy's friendship. They’re with each other pretty much from the beginning of the episode to end as they expertly work to defend their city from the catastrophic wildfires. We certainly missed them as a duo on calls, but it’s seeing them as confidants to each other that’s the best part of them together. It’s a lovely if not bittersweet nod to their friendship’s - and the show’s - earlier days. We missed best friends Maya and Andy, but the sense of closure moment is a tough reminder that this is in fact the series finale.
Both women seem to be just who the other needs right now. Andy opens up to Maya about Vic leaving and how strange it feels to see long-time team members like Vic, Jack, and Theo depart. But Maya reassures her that this is her opportunity to make the team her own rather than just follow the legacy of her father or previous captains, including Maya herself. This seems to do the trick, as Andy’s face changes from one of doubt to one of self-assuredness.
However, the most meaningful moment between them comes during their final scene before the new day begins. 19 is taking a moment to huddle up before the overnight shifts start, and it’s during this break that Maya and Andy take a moment to connect and reflect on the journey they've shared and how much they've grown.
It starts so simply, as these conversations often do with close friends: “How are you? How’s Carina?” Maya confides that Carina is convinced the IVF didn’t work, and she’s at a loss about how to help her. “Just be there for her,” Andy advises, directly echoing the advice she gave to her friend in Season 4 when issues with visas meant Carina might’ve had to go back to Italy.
But then Maya opens up even more. She’s committed to this process with Carina, which she’s definitely been showing. But when she tells Andy that she’s willing to consider trying pregnancy herself if it means giving them a chance at their expanded family, it’s clear how much she means it. Andy is shocked that Maya, the one who once said, “Monogamy is for the weak,” would even consider it. But Maya reminds her of the second part of her former mantra: “Or for the very, very dedicated.” And that’s who she is now. She’s dedicated to Carina, as a wife, a mom, and to the life she loves now. Andy is beyond proud of her. AndMaya is proud of Andy -in the way she holds herself as a leader and how she’s making 19 her own. It’s incredible how far they’ve both come from all those years ago.
See You at Home?
From the start of the episode, Maya and Carina periodically check in with each other, each concerned for the other's safety. Despite their worries, they’re both there to do their jobs: possibly-pregnant Carina volunteering so close to the wildfires and Maya in the belly of the beast.
One moment early in the episode sticks with us throughout. Immediately after Maya and Andy arrive at the first responders’ base camp and are finished with their briefing by Chief Ross, Maya seeks out her wife, who's working in a tent nearby. It's a brief reunion, enough only for them to check in for a few seconds, but their hopeful reaffirmation, "See you at home," left us wondering—would they? Earlier this season, in “Trouble Man,” we learned about some of Maya and Carina's biggest fears. Each of them have been addressed so far, and for the most part assuaged. Carina shared that she was scared that they’d be unable to adopt Liam, that she’d do everything right but still mess things up, that Maya might not want another baby; Maya confided her fear that Liam will grow up in a world full of hate. And all of these fears have had their own moment of resolution: the couple is on the foster-to-adopt track with Liam, Maya had her reckoning with her hateful brother, they’re both committed to building a family and a life together. All of them but one–until the end of this episode. It truly is one of Station 19's most brilliant cliffhangers.
Leading up to the big scene, Andy and Maya have seen Theo off in the medevac (prior to Theo’s run in with the tree), and they hear a whistle in the distance. Thanks to a moment with Eliza the day before, they realize it must be Bill, Eliza’s fiancé, whom she was looking for the previous day. Naturally, the two friends go looking for him.
As they search, the scene transitions to Dr. Taryn Helm (Jaicy Elliot) and a very stressed Carina at Grey Sloan. Taryn notices Carina's stress, and asks if she's okay. Carina confides in her that she's not. She's grappling with her potential pregnancy test results while yesteredays’ scenes of people who lost everything in the wildfires haunt her. And she's stressed about whether or not she's pregnant. She can’t bring herself to look at her results, and she has every right to feel this way. Though the wildfires aren’t a regular occurrence, she's been here before, seeing negative tests after negative tests or dealing with false positives that she knew were false hope. It's hard for her to feel hopeful. Taryn, who has been there for many of Carina and Maya’s big moments, offers to look at the results for her as she tells her to forget about the results—she has a wife, a career, and a life that she loves, whether or not she's pregnant.
Taryn continues to refresh the page for new test results, and Maya and Andy make their way deeper into the woods, searching for Bill. Andy's radio crackles with shoddy reception as she tries to tell Ross that they’re going to need help. Just a few feet away, Maya steps ahead, and suddenly a wall of fire encloses her, putting a distance between her and safety. Andy's voice rings out, terrified, "Maya!" but she stands paralyzed, without the tools or resources she needs to rescue Maya as Maya spins in circles, frantically looking for a break in the flames and a way out. There isn’t one. Maya turns to Andy and the two stare at each other — Maya, desperate to find a way to safety, and Andy, desperate to help her friend. The last scene of the episode is them, standing there, both helpless on different sides of impending catastrophe.
Taryn refreshes one last time. The result flashes ‘positive’! After three seasons, after many attempts and countless ‘negative’s Carina is pregnant with her and Maya's baby. Her greatest dream has come true. We’re with her in her joyful disbelief when the screen transitions back to Maya. Andy’s voice narrates, "The thing about fantasies is that when reality comes, it's rarely how you pictured it [...] A day that is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life… just might turn out to be your worst." We spin back and forth between the two, between utter joy and sheer terror - both unaware of the other’s existence - until everything fades to black.
Almost every series ever has a main couple, and this is a cliffhanger worthy of Station 19’s. If there were any questions about who Station 19’s main couple is, the show ending its penultimate episode like this with the two of them certainly removes all doubt. And as millions tune in to 19’s last hurrah, this deliberate choice to center the longest-standing ‘ship’ original to the show—one of the few remaining WLW couples on network TV—is everything. It shows everyone watching that our stories are worthy of the fanfare, celebration, and drama typically reserved for their straight counterparts. It shows that our stories are worth celebrating. It shows that we matter.
---------
Season 7, Episode 9 "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You"
Director: Tessa Blake
Writer: Zaiver Sinnett
Original Airdate: May 23, 2024
Words: Mariana Weber (she/her)
Watch Season 7 of Station 19 on Thursdays at 10/9 central and the next day on Hulu or the ABC App.
----------
Read The Room is a volunteer-run magazine! Enjoyed reading our articles and content? Please consider supporting us on ko-fi to help us cover the cost of running the website!
----------